When Forever's Gone
by BehrBeMine
Summary: As Max made love to Tess, it was the brunette beauty that was on his mind.


Title: When Forever's Gone  
Author: BehrBeMine  
Feedback: Always appreciated. behrbemine@hotmail.com  
Summary: As Max made love to Tess, it was the brunette beauty that was on his mind.  
Rating: R  
Pairing: M/L, M/T  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue, I'll cry. ;p Lyrics scattered throughout are from 'I Will Love You' by Fisher. It was the song played during the final scene in ItLaitB – I've always felt that Liz deserved to be a part of what Max and Tess did together. (Oh, geezus, but get your mind out of the gutter, please.)  
Spoiler: 'It's too Late, and it's too Bad'  
Distribution: Rambling Muse, Into Oblivion. To archive anywhere else, just ask.  
  
  
In the sweet darkness of bliss, he could hear his breath, coming out irregularly, rising and falling during an explosion of ecstasy. And beyond that, he could hear hers. The hands that grasped at his arms and his back felt sticky with the residue of sweat. She clawed at him, drawing him down into her, wanting to bury him inside.  
  
He fought for detachment, needing to feel something so radical in order to stop the flow of his thoughts, the cycle of pain that coursed through his brain waves in time to his body movements.  
  
Even as his body responded to touches and caresses, he thought not of the one in his arms, but of the one in his heart. Blackness in his mind gave way to grey clouds over the thought of Liz's betrayal, and her ultimate change of heart. He felt anger and then fury, burning a hole deep in his chest as the memory of her being intimate with someone else flashed before him.  
  
('Till my body is dust...)  
  
A part of him had wanted to remain noble, and stay loyal to her despite the way she had crushed him. It was in his nature to want to forgive her and forget that it ever happened. Even after he saw her in bed with Kyle, with his own eyes, still he loved her with everything in him and wanted so badly to hold her tight forever and ever. He wanted to feel her slight weight in his arms, wanted to feel her intakes of breath as he rested his clasped hands on her smooth stomach. Wanted to touch her skin and send his tingling.  
  
But her skin was no longer his territory, her body no longer his for the taking. No longer did he hold her heart in the palm of his shaking hand.  
  
('Till my soul is no more...)  
  
Tess hissed in pleasure, the sound resonating in Max's mind as she arched up into his stomach. And he saw spots, bursting before him like miniature firecrackers. Somewhere inside, he felt decadent for allowing himself to experience such a rush with someone he felt nothing for. Nothing.  
  
His hands roamed, touching and stroking, learning the naked contours of the blonde one below him. But in his heart the blonde hair turned to brown, and expectant sighs turned to first love shivers. He saw not the batting eyelashes concealing the lovely blue of Tess' eyes, but the wide-eyed dark brown that graced the face of his beloved Liz.  
  
('Till the sun starts to cry...)  
  
He saw Liz's face as he passed on his healing touch. Saw her delicate brows furrowing as the bullet wound unpierced itself from her flesh. He remembered the look of loss on that innocent face as he pushed through the double doors of her family's restaurant, his heart pumping like crazy out of his fear of getting caught. People stared at the both of them while they stared only at one another.  
  
The look of concentration on Tess' face took Max by surprise as she expertly began rocking her hips as soon as he slid inside of her. Seeing her eyes suddenly shut so tightly made him think of the way she looked when she was thinking hard. When she was mind warping. It was an odd sort of mixture of anger and practiced skill that he now realized he didn't like.  
  
He closed his eyes to shut out the image before him. Again he searched for Liz's face, and found it in the memory of that day in the desert when destiny found Max, Michael and Isabel. Tess had pulled Max to her, declaring that she knew they belonged together – it was their destiny; he'd seen it with his own eyes. But he pushed her away and turned to Liz. Always he turned to Liz. He wanted to cry out at the thought of her face, so full of pain, edging in close to his as she whispered her goodbye. Wanted to feel that kiss again, the pull of her lips on his in a way that was so gentle, it left him screaming inside for a thousand more kisses. He felt the familiar pang again in knowing that would be he and Liz's last kiss as a dedicated couple.  
  
(And the moon turns to rust...)  
  
"I'll be here for all eternity," Tess had promised tonight, and he'd kissed her then, swallowing the bitterness in his throat. Irony played a hand as he realized there was more sincerity in Liz's words of goodbye than in the promise he had craved, because it came from the wrong person. He couldn't believe what Tess said, didn't want to believe it. But for that night, he let himself fall into her, get lost in something so far away from Liz, crushing his perfect memories of her and sending them smashing to the pit of his stomach.  
  
But he still loved her. Oh, how he loved her, and needed her. He soared on a high as he spilled himself inside of Tess and heard her yell out his name. But tears came to his eyes because the one below him wasn't the one he needed. He was experiencing the biggest thing he'd yet come by in his life, and Liz wasn't there to share it with him. Instead she was off to another country, dedicated to proving a theory that would destroy Max if he dared believe it.  
  
('Till the storms fill my eyes...)  
  
He envisioned telling her about this night. He saw her breaking down in hysterical tears, then saw her slapping him across the face. He saw it as a combination of hatred and sadness, with regret mixed in for good measure. He imagined gathering her in his arms and sobbing like a little boy, begging and pleading for her to understand that he was lost and so, so alone. He hated himself for wanting to ask her forgiveness when he was doing nothing wrong. Nothing wrong... not when she'd slept with another several months ago.  
  
He wanted to think it was what she deserved, that she had it coming. But deep down he knew that wasn't fair. And he knew that making her hurt as he hurt wouldn't solve a thing, but would only cause him more regret in the future. So he wondered if he should tell her at all.  
  
(And we touch the last time...)  
  
He had promised Liz forever. But their forever was over, blown out like the flame of a candle that once burned strong, but could no longer burn at all.  
  
He felt so fragile and weak, bending to the will of Tess, doing what could hurt Liz more than anything. Doing what she'd insinuated he should be. It was his destiny; with Tess was where he belonged. With his queen who was always waiting behind him, unsure of how to get him to believe that what she knew to be true was somewhere within him as well. It was something primal, a form of pure need that drove him into Tess' arms that night. It was everything non-human in him that supplied his need to lose himself, to come undone, to do the one thing he shouldn't be doing.  
  
But still his heart cried out for another, the dark-haired angel that he'd saved from the brink of death and given a new life attached to his own. When the night was through, Tess snuggled up to him and buried her face in the crook of his arm. He didn't make her move, merely got comfortable beside her. His body was exhausted but content.  
  
But his mind screamed, his heart wanted to tear right out of his chest, and his human side damned himself to hell for letting go of Liz so completely for those long minutes of breath and sweat and ecstasy that would never be erased. It was he and Tess who were together now, and Liz was pushed into the background.  
  
(I will love you, love you...)  
  
A part of him was in mourning that night and every night thereafter. Everything human in him cried for Liz, for the sixteen year-old love of her that died.  
  
- -  
end 


End file.
